It’s done! I am officially the King of Low. I can hoppy-hop and shakey-wakey with the best of the lowridin’ low-stars and I completely and fully understsand and appreciate the lowrider culture now! How did I transcend my Caucasian upbringing to become the most respected and beloved lowrider? Like the Dead Sea Scrolls that have informed the faith of countless believers since their discovery, Lowrider is like a lost artifact that holds untold wisdom and insight into the lowrider scene.
Ok, I can’t keep this up any longer without laughing. Lowrider, the game, is probably the farthest thing from authentic when it comes to video games based on a cultural movement. Beyond the FMV scenes and the very core of the gameplay, everything in Lowrider looks and sounds like the developers had the best of intentions but not the most time or money to pull it off.
It’s not quite as offensive as, say, B.D. Joe from Crazy Taxi but I can’t imagine that real-life lowrider shows are played out at baseball stadiums with fans lovingly throwing trash and commentators who declare “it sucks” even when balloons and doves come flying out of a car that is wildly spinning its quarter panels. For the total $7 I paid for it, Lowrider was a surprisingly playable and entertaining game that I passed on at full price in 2003. It makes for a great look back at the all-but-lost sub-genre: Japanese games that lovingly get everything all wrong. See it all in action — doves included — in the video.